Tortilla Flats. My favorite tour.

Tortilla Flats is the smalles town in Arizona - population 6. It has a real Post Office, with a postmaster, making it a real town.

Group of seven: a family four Scotts, two teachers from Maryland, and a teacher from North Carolina - who all pose in the BirdCage at the Bordello. It's what you're thinking it is.

Tortilla Flats is my favorite tour because I pic them up at a reasonable time, the town is only one hour from Phoenix, it's a beautiful ride, I put them on a boat on the reservoir for 90 minutes - and don't have to go with them - and I have them home by 5:00. They always have a nice time.

Today was 85 degrees and clear in Phoenix. It was a great day for a boat ride.

AND - The Sottsmen paid me $30, Marylanders $20 and North Carolina $10.

Easy day. Easy money.

Sometimes they're just boring...

Beautiful day. Fifty-six degrees and crystal clear.

Unfortunatley I was with boring people:

Four retired French Canadians. I promise, the only words I heard from them all day were:

"Paul, Please turn the air conditioning down a little".

"Can we have a beer on the bus?"

No interest in anything I shared with them. No questions. No comments. I think I did hear them talk to each other.

They gave me the standard Canadian $5 each.

Mr. Punjab actually asked good questions and good follow up questions. He participated and had a good day. They paid $5 each, which makes them canadians.

It was a fantastically beautiful day.

Who are these people? The dad is Ed. The oldest daughter is Rachel. They are in AZ so Rachel could check out ASU grad school.

Not a question or comment all day from any of them. In fact, I spoke to the mother about three times and she didn't respond to me. I began thinking she was deaf but she talked to her family.

Anyway, he paid $50, so "no harm, no foul". Whatever.

Hodge Podge

There were some sweet people with me this week.
Michael and Michelle can come back.

He is a pharmacist in Michigan. She came to work for him 9 months ago. Then they fell in love. They came to Arizona for their first vacation together.

These pictures at at the Church in the Rocks in Sedona. Young love is so sweet and hopeful, one can only wish them the very best.

Please, kids, don't let me see you on the Maury Povich paternity special.

Emily, Marilynn, and Pearl can come back. Three Jewish sisters from the Bronx. Emily ( the tallest) lives in Fountain Hills now and her sisters come to visit as they can. Marilynn (in white) is taking care of her husband through Alzheimers and really needed a break - so she and Pearl came to Emily's for a few days. My trip to GC was a distraction.

Note on Health Care Reform. Notice Pearl is already on a cane. She needs a knee, but the insurance company says "it's not yet necessary" because she can still "ambulate". In other words, it doesn't matter how much pain she's in or how stiff she is... "it's not medically necessary".

Maria, you can't come back. You can stay in Uruguay or Spain forever. They let you come to Phoenix for a "personal improvement seminar", but it apparently didn't work. You spent the whole day berating me for "what YOU did to the Native Americans". Darling, I didn't do anything to native Americans and I wish shomeone would advocate for the suffering of the Irish Americans. AND - YOU didn't pay me. Stay home.

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE

At one of the worst possible times, the memory card in my camera died. So, there are no photos from Tuesday.

Robert and Virginia

Forty-nine years ago this week, Robert married the prettiest girl he had ever seen. Now he's a white-haired wire-rimmed General Motors retiree who still holds the hand of the prettiest girl he knows. They call their three daughters their "Three-Graces".

Bob is an old New England Irishmen who still believes that honesty, hard work, and determiniation lead to success. He was one of those workers who was loyal to his company, never called in sick, always gave General Motors his best work, volunteered in his church, and was a good member of the Knights of Columbus. The big event of the week was bowling night.

The world around him has changed so much that he falls for the cynical bumper sticker politics of people like Sarah Palin. Forgive him and don't argue with him.

Virginia is a little Irish grandmother, less than 5 feet tall, but don't mess with her. One of those cracker jack grandmothers who is not afraid to tell her three graces - and anyone else- what they should do.

He teased Virginia all day, but held her hand every chance he got and when he nodded off to sleep on the way home Virginia's head was on his shoulder.

Bob knows he's blessed.

Go, Bob and Virginia. You rock. All you need is love.

Timothy and Michelle

Two forty-somethings from New York who met on E-harmony.

Their hearts have been broken. They went through everything painful. They raised their children. Neither of them wanted to grow old alone. They each found the courage to sign up for E-harmony. They found each other. They were married on October 9. On their honeymoon they went to Grand Canyon with me.

Go Tim and Michelle! You rock! All you need is love.

Kyle and Tawny

Kyle is from Praetoria, South Africa. He's 19. He has a head full of curls like the boy from Blue Lagoon. He's starting University in January for Marketing.

Tawny is AmerAsian: beautiful onyx eyes and black silk hair. She's 20. She's a Junior in Child Psychology.

They met last summer when they worked as counselors at a camp for underprivileged children in Pennsylvania.

Kyle came to meet her parents. She's going to Africa next week.

At the church in Sedona, Kyle and Tawny lit a candle and held hands. I so wanted a picture but my camera couldn't zoom from that far away and I was afraid to bother them by getting closer. I have the picture in my heart and plan to tell this story.

Young love! There's nothing like it! So full of hope! Maybe they'll be like Bob and Virginia - or maybe they'll be like Tim and Michelle. Hopefully they won't be alone.

Kyle spent all day teasing Tawny like boys do to girls, but when Robert napped with Virginia on his shoulder Kyle was asleep on Tawny's lap. That's the way it works.

Go Kyle and Tawny! You Rock! All you need is love.

All's well that ends

There are days when no individual is the MOST difficult. It's just so many little aggravations add up to a big pain in the ass - like chiggers.

I hate it when I get to my very first stop in the morning and hear:

"Oh, we'll be ready in a minute. We're just waiting for our muffin."

Is there anything more rude? Did you think you booked a private tour? Do you think that 10 other people should be waiting for your muffin?

I said, "Well, you knew what time I would be here, and you're adults, so, don't be angry when I tell every other person I pick up that you made me late". Then I followed through with my threat. EVERY person on the bus heard about "The-Muffin-That-Made-Us-Late"

Robert and Susan are very nice people. It was just the idea that they couldn't keep on schedule - at all - at every stop - that was a pain in the ass. After 15 hours, those minutes add up.

Robert is an attorney in S. Carolina. Susan is a retired technical-ed. instructor.

They live on the land Robert's ancestors settled in 1730.

They live with a 99 year old black man who was born on that land and whose grandfather was "owned" by Robert's great grandfather. What an interesting relationship. They were fun to talk to and I wish I could visit them in S. Carolina.

Robert is President of an international organization of lawyers in alcohol recovery. He has been in "recovery "15 years. Congratulations. His quote, "Alcoholism is the only disease that says, ' you don't have me' ".

Second Pickup:

It was Connie's 60th Birthday. Happy Birthday, Connie.

Unfortunately, Connie thought that because it was her birthday she got Shot-gun next to the driver. Except she wanted her husband and son with her, where Muffin-Man and Wife were already sitting. Muffin-man didn't get the hint, so Connie sat in the back, with husband, Richard and son, Shane.

"I hope I don't get motion sickness back here". - she threatened.

(Duh - all the more reason I wouldn't want her in shotgun)

As I am a nice person, and as it's not Connie's fault that she's dumb as an inbred Coon Dog, I did my best to be patient with her.

Son, Shane, lives in Tempe and spent the day enduring his parents on his mother's 60th birthday.

Husband, Richard, was loving, generous, kind to her. He bought her a necklace that was probably $300 at the Navajo Res. but forgot to use the "discount coupon" I gave him (which gets ME a 5% commission). Chiggers I tell ya'! It's like chiggers!

Richard flew Cobra Helicopters in Vietnam. I wish I had more time to get to know Richard.

At the church in Sedona, Richard and Connie took time to light a candle and sit together in the front of the church

WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WAITED!

But it's OK for everyone else to wait while a loving couple pray together. Duh, you can't rush someone through their prayers.

The problem is I had to make up that time on the schedule.

Chiggers.

Third Stop: And I'm not making this up.

Family of three: Mom, Dad, Teenage Daughter. Dad was too big to ride in the van. That's a new one. In 156 Grand Canyon tours I've never had someone bigger than the bus.
He pitched his "I'm -not -too -big, your -van -is -too -small" fit in the parking lot of the hotel, in front of Got and everyone and his wife and daughter.

"I don't want to go if I have to be in this van all day! I thought it would be a full-sized motor coach".

("Dude," I thought, " they don't make motor coaches that size". )

His wife and daughter were already in the van.

I called my boss to tell him the passenger chose NOT to abuse the tires and shock absorbers on my van.

"If he doesn't get in the van he will get NO refund"

"You don't understand what I'm telling you. He can't get in the van."

"Well, what does he want us to do about it?", asks William.

"I don't know," I confessed, "Maybe I can swing by a mine and borrow some earth moving equipment."

The guy was furious that I would dare arrive in a bus that was obviously too little.

His wife and daughter had to slink off the bus.

I knew my boss would be mad that I lost three customers at one stop. But, my Lord, I'm sure I'd need a special license to drive a circus train to Grand Canyon.

Last Stop:

Two retired Australian schoolteachers who were no trouble all day. They call themselves "gray nomads" as that's what they do in their retirement years. Participated well. Asked good questions. Didn't ask for special treatment.

In fact, except for the fact that they tip like Australians, they can come back.

I saw beautiful things and it always refreshes the soul - the problem is my body is tired. Stressers build up and try to overwhelm me. I'm sure that the Pope is surrounded by beauty and inspiration and he gets tired too.

The little foxes spoil the vine.
The worst thing that happened to me today was the thing that cost me the most money ----

An Arizona Sycamore changing to fall colors in Oak Creek Canyon.

I'll say their name -- so the whole world will know.

Papillon Helicopters!

Robert and Susan booked a helicopter trip. ( I get $10 each to deliver them to the airport. )Connie wanted the helicopter trip. Catherine and Don, the Aussies, decided to join. (my commission is $27 for each ticket sold x five tickets! I could have had a great day.)

AFTER I got everyone to the airport and after they all checked in and paid their fee and after I left the airport ( to go take a nap), Connie's family got "bumped" from the flight because it was over-sold. = $81 out of my pocket.

Chiggers!

Didn't leave the airport till 30 min. later than usual.... flights late. Chiggers!

On the way home, they begged for two bathroom stops. Chiggers.

Robert said, "It doesn't matter. We'll get there when we get there. " chiggers

Well, guess what, it matters to me.

First home: Aussie's, on whom I made $54 commission from helicopters and who paid me Aussie wages $20 - but, who can come back.

After giving his wife a great birthday, celebrating his marriage, entertaining his son, being patient with their prayer, forgiving his coupon faux-pas, and losing the helicopter commission, Richard handed me $20. I worked 15 hours for three people for $20. Richard, my chiggery friend, keep your dumb wife at home. Don't come back.

Good news. Robert, the pain in the ass muffin eater, paid $40. They can come back, but not soon.

Thank God it finally ended. It wasn't directly bad, I was just so very tired of the little chiggers.

Textbook. Garden Variety. Sedona.

The biggest pain was that the pickups were spread out all over phoenix. As my little company takes whatever "crumbs" we get, and we don't pay our bills, we get whatever "crumbs' we get. ..... NOT the customers the customers aren't crumbs (well, most of the time) but the manifests sometimes are crumby.
Having said that, today's customers were all cooperative, agreeable and on time.

It gets boring when they don't participate. When they have a break, they tell me how interesting the trip is, but they don't stop to ask questions. Consequence: they don't get to have lunch with me in Sedona. They get dumped out to go shopping and I go get lunch and take my nap.

If they're fun to be with, they get to go out to the forest for lunch...

But they weren't trouble - and they paid me.

So today's trip wasn't a big adventure, it was a job. And I guess that's OK.

Juanita and Don,

Married 62 years!

Doborah and Mom, Nancy from Virginia

I honestly don't remember these Brit's names, but they were nice.

So a good time was had by all!

Thank God I worked today.

THAT'S HOW GC TRIPS SHOULD GO

This seemed a miserable chore:

pick up one couple in Tempe

pick up one girl at the airport

leave the girl in Sedona

drive all the way to GC with two people

fool around with the inane helicopter company

pick up three extra people at Grand Canyon

take forever to drop everyone off at night

expect NO money.

BUT! Michael and Vicki were pleasant company for the day. He is a business administrator for a Lutheran Church and School in UpState Ill. She is an office manager for a Realty Company. Been in Phoenix several times but never seen the rest of AZ. Just here on vacation.

They were excited to hear they would be my only company and quickly negotiated to let me customize their tour. They've been to Four Corners and Mesa Verde and didn't need to see the Navajo Res. They weren't interested in "tourist kitsch". I could take the same route I took with Michelle a few weeks ago. If it worked out, it would be great.

We were joined by Jennifer, a "Travelling Property Manager". She works for a company out of D.C. that sends her to "re-organize distressed properties". (Read: in need of repair and tenants won't pay rent.) Stressed-out queen bitch who evicts people and hounds contractors. She's only on each property 3 - 6 months. Then, when she gets it fixed, go do it again. When she's older, she'll realize her resume will say, "Transient Uber-Kapo" for some unappreciative regime that considers her "expendable".

But she was pleasant company. Gregarious. Smart. Funny. Interested.

Good stop at the Church of the Holy Cross in Sedona. I called my friend, Shirley, at the sedonartscenter.com -non-profit gallery for local artists. She opened early for us. Michael and Vicki spent about $50 and Jennifer found a $135 vase to send her mother. (So, Shirley will work with me again. )

When we left Jennifer in Sedona, she gave me $20 - (She gets a "come back again" coupon).

Skip the All-things-made-in-China Navajo "trading post" and go to the Double Eagle - run by a white couple, Barb and Bill, but doing actual business with Indian artists and craftsman. Mike and Vicki loved it. She spent another $100 there.

This gets them to Grand Canyon Village by 12:45, where they could explore (without me!) till 2:45.

The weather was perfect: 60 degrees and crystal clear.

While Mike and Vicki were on the helicopter - which went off without a hitch - I picked up Denise and Bill (retired middle school teachers from upstate NY) and Claire (British PhD candidate).

Everyone friendly, outgoing, interested, fun. A good group to be with. Everyone enjoyed each other's company on the way home. Claire paid $10 for her ride home (from a Brit no less!). Denise and Bill paid $20 (retirees!) and Mike and Vicki were last. They got back to their hotel by 8:10! The raved about their day, and I enjoyed being with them. They paid $40.

Everyone gets a You Can Come Back coupon today.

Dear Lord, give me these days more often.